Some time ago I assisted a couple at the free legal advice service by doing a bit of mediation. NOW I MUST MAKE IT CLEAR that I am not a trained mediator and this was made clear to both parties but ,one having been quoted £25,000 and the other £20,000 in Solicitors' fees and one having started the process of mediation, but, it failing, I think they thought "what do I have to lose". Obviously different people have different approaches but I could see that both parties were great parents so I started from the point of the positive. Four meetings later they agreed to enter into an agreement in an amicable manner with both parties getting some of what they wanted and understanding that on other matters they needed to compromise, the children have not been used as pawns and with the exception of a bit of petrol and shoe leather and a small fee to a firm of Solicitors the matter has Resolved saving a joint figure in legal fees of round £44,600.00
Being angry and wanting revenge is expensive, Of course when relationships break down people feel hurt and betrayed but if you can mediate it is quicker and you can get on with your life, I know that can be hard but so is being embroiled in legal proceedings for weeks on end. It is a lot cheaper, there is little point "winning" if you are utterly stony broke at the end of it and have destroyed your relationship with your children. It is less stressful, is it really worth making yourself mentally ill over it, isn't the grief alone regarding the breakup enough to contend with
Mediation will not always work but at least give it a go. I am now assisting someone with a mediation they have to go to. I have got them to provide a case summary setting out clearly their incoming and outgoings, their contribution to bills etc. If you want a one off figure to finalise a relationship, all well and good, but, you do have to prove that you put something more into the relationship other than the beauty of your smile.
Writing things down clarifies matters in your mind, helps you focus and provides you with a starting point of what it is you want at the end of the relationship. Remember we are talking about what you need financially not emotionally.
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